


Puzzle Pieces

by dametokillfor



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five people that Finn loved in silence, and the one he told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Puzzle Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> From the [kinkmeme prompt](https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1841.html?thread=1737521#cmt1737521), _Finn/Poe, Finn/others; 5 people Finn loved, the people Finn loved don't have to be romantic or reciprocated. They can be Slip, stormtrooper OCs, Phasma, Hux, Kylo, Rey, Poe, Leia, Chewie, his parents, a sibling, a pet, etc. etc. etc. (If you wanted to do a 5+1, it could be 5 people Finn loved + 1 who loved him back.) Go wild._
> 
> I haven't abandoned the Extra Marshmallows series, I just fancied playing with these boys in canon.

**1.**

Sometimes in his dreams, he gets flashes of a beautiful woman's face. She has a broad white smile, and dark, sparkling eyes. She's always looking down at him, filled with such pride. She's calling him something he never quite hears, something that is unfamiliar and doesn't sound right.

He feels safe with her, warm, loved, secure. He doesn't know if it's a dream or if it's a memory. He was so young when the First Order stole him away, he doesn't think he remembers her, like he doesn't remember where he's from, who he was before he was FN-2187, Finn. 

All he knows is that he only dreams of her when he's hurting, when he's confused and doesn't know the way to go. That she tells him she loves him, and she's proud, and she's there with him. He feels safer when he wakes up, like she's still there with him. 

Finn thinks she's his mother. He knows he loves her. 

**2.**

Her name was Noto. She was a tall, elegant woman, with blonde hair like the sun, and eyes the colour of the sky. 

She had been brought to the young recruits, to look after them and nurture them to adulthood. (To 12, when their training could officially start). She was the softest part of the Order, with warm smiles and encouraging words. She told them stories about the strong, brave Stormtroopers, and the evil, cowardly resistance. Old fairytales about the Empire, about the Republic.

Finn sees now that it was indoctrination, lacing their young minds with the idea that they were the white knights fighting against evil dragons. At the time, it had been fun, and exciting. Hours playing Stormtroopers and Resistance soldiers with each other, drawing pictures of ugly monsters with big teeth and red eyes, being punched by people in pristine white armour, all under Noto's watchful eye.

Everyone was half way in love with her. She was the only adult they saw who smiled, who would be at their side when they'd hurt themselves, who would comfort them when they missed the families they didn't even know.

As they grew older, many of them developed crushes on her, and competed for her attention, determined to outshine each other. Finn was one such recruit, determined to be the best of the best, to win his lady love and live happily ever after.

Until at the age of 12, she was the woman of his dreams. Until she put on the chrome mask, and Noto died and Phasma was born again. 

**3.**

Falling in love on the Finalizer had been strongly discouraged, but never expressly forbidden. It was overlooked so long as it hadn't interfered with the mission, with the long game. Once you were more willing to risk your life for one person, rather than the cause, you became a liability.

Finn had become a liability. 

His designation was AX-4971, known as Axe by the recruits. He was a few years older than Finn and he was perfect. Tan skin, dark hair, dark eyes. He had a smile that would light up a room, and melt the ice forming around Finn's heart. Finn was instantly smitten. 

(Finn had later realised he definitely had a type).

He was kind, more than most of the recruits on base. He mentored Finn, offered to help him improve where he was lacking, get him top of the class. He was there when Finn let self doubt get the better of him, with a kind word and warm smile. 

_Do you do this for everyone?_ Finn had asked him one day.

Axe had smiled, taken Finn's face in his hands, _if you haven't figured you're special by now, then you might be a lost cause._

Axe had kissed him then. His first kiss. Finn had wanted, had ached, but hadn't dared hope. Love, romance, this was for the lucky ones. Finn had never felt lucky.

From that night on, they'd stolen moments wherever they could. Kisses after a particularly good training session, hidden in one of the alcoves of the ship, slick messy handjobs whenever they had the showers to themselves.

It was nearly a year into their relationship when they had finally slept together, and _slept together_. Finn had been 18, and dying for more. Blowjobs, handjobs, they were all well and good, but he knew there was more and he wanted to experience it with Axe.

It had taken a lot of work, but Axe had managed to wrangle them a quiet room, just for them, just for the night. 

Finn had been impatient, but Axe had been gentle, and slow. He'd kissed every part of Finn, head to toe. He'd opened him up lazily with fingers and his tongue, driven him to an exquisite release. He'd whispered promises and words of love into Finn's skin as he'd come down, teased him back to full hardness with clever touches and promises of what was to come. 

When Axe had finally pushed into Finn, it had hurt, and it had felt amazing. He'd felt so full, so complete. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He didn't think he could ever feel so right.

Axe had kissed his shoulders, told him just how good he was doing, how it would get better, that he loved him, Gods, he loved him. Finn wanted to reply, tell him the same, but he was reduced to nothing but groans and Axe. 

Finn hadn't lasted long once Axe had begun to move, the sensations driving him to the brink of insanity. After a few thrusts, he'd cried out Axe's name, louder than he probably should have, as his release washed over him. 

Once he’d come down, Finn had opened his mouth to tell Axe that he loved him, but Axe had silenced him with a kiss. 

_Tell me when I haven't just blown your mind._

Finn smiled, agreed. 

He never got the chance. Axe was gone when Finn woke. 

Six weeks late, he resurfaced as AX-4971 at Phasma's right hand, the model, emotionless Stormtrooper.

 **4.**

Anybody could see Rey was something special. The first new Jedi in years, a skilled Force user already. She's tenacious, smart, immensely gifted. She's the greatest thing to happen to the Resistance since Poe, and everyone loves her. Finn is no exception. 

But to Finn, she's not just the Chosen One, she's his best friend. She's funny, she's sweet, she has the best laugh. She's unsure about many touches, but loves hugs from Finn and Poe. She's scared she's going to let the side down, and she hates the green mush the mess makes. She's so painfully human, and Finn loves her. 

He thought he might be able to fall for her once upon a time, that he might look at her one day and see everything he's ever wanted looking right back at him. Instead, he’s found himself falling into a big brother role, wanting to protect her, comfort her, be there with no expectations when she needs a shoulder to cry on. And she does, she's not infallible, she's so young, and has so much on her shoulders, and sometimes she just needs to be held by someone who knows Rey, the girl, not the hero of the Resistance.

He's proud to be her friend, to be considered important by someone so brilliant. He'd be proud, even if she was just the scavenger girl from Jakku. 

**5.**

In the few days he'd known him, Finn thinks he loved Han too.

Han Solo was a bona-fide legend, one of the horror stories told on the Finalizer. Han Solo, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker. These people were dangerous, crafty, to be shot on sight. (Finn now knows the real reason they were so dangerous, how much power they really held). 

Having spent time with Han, Finn wonders how he'd ever feared the man. Really, Han was kind of a loser. He nearly got them eaten by Rathtars, got into a fight with two rival gangs and somehow let one of the greatest women in the galaxy go. 

But then, he'd also recognised Rey's shining brilliance instantly. Finn wonders if there was something else there, if he’d known something about her, about her family that she doesn’t know. 

Han had also looked out for Finn, despite being convinced Han hated him. (Leia had later told him that if Han had hated him, he wouldn’t have bothered with him). Han saw the good man that Finn wanted to be, and encouraged him, in his own gruff way to bring this out. 

If Han hadn’t… if Kylo Ren hadn’t… Finn likes to think Han would have become something of a mentor, a father figure, the kind of role model he never had growing up. Someone who would teach him to be a real man, instead of a weaponized shell. 

Of course, now he’ll never have the chance to find out.

**+1.**

Poe snores. 

Finn doesn’t think he’s ever seen something quite so adorable in his entire life, and he counts BB-8 among his friends. Poe sleeps on his stomach, arms and legs splayed out, and his face pressed into the pillow, dark curls all askew. He’s drooling, and he’s snoring so much that it should be unattractive. Instead it just makes Finn adore him even more. 

Poe is asleep on the bed across the room from him, mumbling into his pillow something about Wookiee beauty contests and how choosing between Chewie and Malla is impossible, as both of them have such lovely fur. 

There’s that feeling in his chest again, sending waves of warmth through him. He recognises this feeling, the invincibility, the happiness, the contentment. 

Poe makes a grunting snore noise, sounds a little like Chewbacca, and sleepily opens his eyes. He smiles when he spots Finn stood across the room. A lazy smile, that still brightens up the dark universe they live in.

“Hey.” He lifts his head from the pillow, “Something wrong?” 

Finn shakes his head, “No. Everything is great.”

Poe nods, “Good, great. So, um, why are you staring at me in the middle of the night?”

“I love you.” Finn blurts out. 

It was supposed to be cool, supposed to be confessed in a life or death situation, or some impossibly romantic moment after Finn had saved Poe from death by Gungan incompetence. However, as soon as the words have come out, Finn knows this was the perfect time.

Poe huffs a little laugh, “Yeah?”

Finn nods, “Yeah.”

“Okay. Okay, good.” Poe says, smiling. He rolls over, back against the wall and lifts the duvet, “You wanna join me then?”

“Poe?”

“To sleep, idiot.” Poe says, fondly, “I’m exhausted, and I wanna wake up next to you so I know I didn’t dream this.”

Finn grins, “Okay. I can do that.” 

He pulls his boots off, and drops his pants, stumbling over them in an attempt to get to the bed. He hops free of his pants, and slides in next to Poe. His back is pressed against Poe’s chest, Poe wraps his arms around Finn’s waist and pulls them closer together. He presses a kiss to Finn’s shoulder, and rests his head back on the pillow. 

“Oh, Finn?” Poe mumbles.

“Mmm?” 

“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Noto comes from Phil Noto, my favourite comic book artist and the guy illustrating the upcoming Poe Dameron series! :D
> 
> Come squee with me on [Tumblr](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com)


End file.
